Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Scoop

666 Hails 666

We were going to be a two-chick noise rock/power electronics outfit called Fresh Fruit but we kept putting it off. Slater kept undergoing traumatic incidents of fecal incontinence (namely that time when we brought her Down syndrome brother to a Chinese buffet), Krampus was getting raped (was it rape? does "ow, stop" count as "no?") by Jamaicans with big dicks, and myriad other such uphill battles prevented us from reaching the stars or whatever other goals we may have had before we developed our twin heroin addictions.

Now we have been torn worlds apart by the intoxicating allure of money, employment, green tea and white people in kimonos, and neither possess the important bowhunting/sawhorsing skills needed to collaborate musically via Skype.

***If you want the Skype Partridge Family, stop reading this and check out Pablo668's Youtube channel***

But now we are badder and better than ever!

We are the perfect brend [sic] of the following acts, all of whom are held in high regard for their soothing melodies: Whitehouse, Pig Destroyer, The Dillinger Escape Plan, Wolf Eyes, and Animal Collective (THE BEST BAND EVER, WHEN I HEAR "WE TIGERS" I EXPERIENCE FEMALE EJACULATION INVOLUNTARILY)!

Pitchfork gave us a perfect 10.0 and we haven't even released an album yet. Of course, reviewer Mike Newmark over at PopMatters.com will give us a post-perfect 10.1.

Please stay tuned for our debut release.

5.) A: What will you have?
B: I’ll have a (cheeseburger) and a (large) order of (French fries.)

6.)A: Excuse me. (Do you speak English?)
B: Yes. How can I (help you?)

7.) A: Hello, is this the Nakamura (residence?)
B: (Yes it is.) Who’s this, please?


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